Are your hormones making you a people-pleaser?

Have you ever felt like your boundaries disappear the moment someone needs you? Or that one week you’re craving connection, thriving in social settings—only to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and agitated the next (fighting mood swings + anxiety)?

This isn't a personality flaw. It’s your hormones. Influencing your experience, desire + drive, exactly as designed.

Estrogen, one of your primary female sex hormones (dominant during the first half of your menstrual cycle), plays a major role in how we connect, seek approval, and prioritize others over ourselves as women. When estrogen rises, so does our drive for connection, social harmony, and external validation—which is why you may find yourself overcommitting, avoiding conflict, or bending over backward for others (likely unconsciously or even when you don’t want to). 

And this drive isn’t happening in a vacuum.

The pressure on women to be the “good” wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and employee amplifies the estrogen-driven instinct to please. We’re praised for being selfless and accommodating—and punished (socially, professionally, and relationally) when we’re not. Say yes too often? You’re exhausted. Say no? You risk being labeled selfish, difficult, a bitch or even cast out. Society rewards our self-sacrifice and punishes our boundaries + self-sovereignty. So when your body starts saying no (through unwanted symptoms or elevated emotions), it can feel like you're breaking some unspoken contract. It’s no wonder people-pleasing feels like survival.

And here's where it gets even more interesting—as estrogen drops in the second half of your cycle, so does your tolerance for people-pleasing, thanks to the new B on the block: progesterone. You may suddenly feel irritable, impatient, noticing your energy decline and things that seemed fine a week or so ago now feel like too much.

This shift isn’t random. It’s your biology—and your brain—doing exactly what they were designed to do.

In the second half of your cycle, your body transitions away from connection and outward energy (biologically, securing a mate) toward protection and discernment—in case an egg were to implant. Even if pregnancy isn’t on your radar, your system still prioritizes safety, energy conservation, and inner alignment. That’s why your people-pleasing tolerance suddenly dissipates. And in perimenopause? That shift becomes even more profound.

One tricky thing though is that our discomfort with not people-pleasing, or asking for what we want, remains or even elevates—leaving a juxtaposition between our conditioning to be a "good" xyB and our innate design to shore up our resources and protect our peace. This can lead to an inner turmoil with not wanting to be labeled "a bitch" (thus continuing to people-please and say yes), while also feeling like we could explode at any moment due to being at or over-capacity. Can you relate?

Here’s how it tends to play out:

🔸 Follicular + Ovulatory Phases: Estrogen is high. You’re wired for socializing, charm, and collaboration. You may feel magnetic and generous—but be mindful of overextending, overcommitting, or seeking approval to feel valued. While you (innately) have more energy for “all the things”, the tendency to say yes or just do everything yourself can bite us in the ass come Luteal.

🔸 Luteal + Menstrual Phases: Estrogen drops. Your system pivots to protection mode, scanning for stress and conserving energy. You feel more sensitive, more irritable—because your body is designed to prioritize safety, self and that potential baby. That moodiness (“bitchiness”, anxiety and short fuse)? It’s your inner compass speaking up. Use it to identify what’s draining your energy, crossing your boundaries, or no longer aligned. It’s your monthly physical, energetic + soul report card.

🔸 Stage 2 Perimenopause (innately mid-to late 40s+): Energetically, this macro hormone season is very similar to your Luteal experience (an inner Fall of discerning + shedding taking place). Estrogen begins it’s slow (and erratic) decline. And while doctors may only talk about what you’re losing (hormones, cycles, predictability), you’re also gaining a complete neurological upgrade. Your brain’s dopamine and executive function systems are rewiring to prioritize authenticity over approval. You may suddenly feel unable to tolerate what you’ve put up with for years—relationships, roles, routines—and that’s not dysfunction, it’s discernment. Your prefrontal cortex is reorganizing to blend logic and intuition, asking: “What really matters to me?” This isn’t you becoming “too much.” It’s you becoming more you.

As women, the persistent “What’s wrong with me?” story—whether loud or quietly lingering—takes up so much headspace. It adds to our mental load, fuels stress, and disconnects us from our body’s wisdom.

But when you understand how estrogen—and its eventual decline—shapes your behavior, energy, brain, and boundaries, everything shifts. You gain clarity. You stop blaming yourself for your changing moods, motivation, or sensitivity. And instead of feeling like the problem, you begin to see yourself as perfectly designed.

From that place, a new relationship with your body becomes possible—one rooted in curiosity and compassion. Where symptoms aren’t betrayals, but love notes—inviting you into deeper alignment on every level: physical, mental, emotional, relational, and spiritual.

Next week, I’ll be sharing what you can do to support these hormonal and energetic shifts—because awareness is powerful, but embodiment is where the magic happens.

Did this resonate or blow your mind a little? I’d love to hear from you—drop a comment below or shoot me an email (hello@whitneymack.com). I read every one.

xoxo - W

P.S. If this sparked something in you, please share it. Every woman deserves to understand how her body truly works—not as a problem to fix, but as a sacred being to reclaim.